Tag Archives: Bible

09Apr 2013

Aissa’s Story – Dealing With the Loss of My Mom and Cousin

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541440_10151451742624682_1145076794_nEver since I was a child, I always felt that I am one of those people who can consider myself as blessed. Not in material things but with the love of my family and the people around me. I have a good family, we are not wealthy but we have the things that we need. Growing up, my mother is the one who had always led me closer to God. She taught me everything that I need to know about being good and obeying God. But then again, even though I grew up like this, not everything that is happening was good. We even came to the point when both my parents are jobless, and I saw how they struggle just to give us education and put food on our table. There even came a point when my parents separated, but, they talked about it and with God’s help, they fixed everything up and got back together.

One of the most difficult phase that I had experience in my life is during 2008 when my mother died. She passed away with complications of diabetes; Heart and Kidney failure. For 2 weeks, the hospital had been our second home. At that time, I thought I was ready to let her go. But I had proved that no matter how much you try to convince your self, there is no such thing as being ready for someone’s death. I feel like I have lost half of my life when she was gone. My mother and I were so close that at that time, I couldn’t imagine living my life without her. But then again, with the help and guidance of our Lord, me and my family slowly started to move on, and let go. We prayed everyday and every night for strength to finally move on. And not just that, after our mother passed away, she taught us a lot of things. Her sickness made our family closer together, and loved one another even more. Our faith in God grew bigger, and we prayed as one family more frequently.

I had lost a lot of people in this lifetime through death. Just recently, one of my closest first cousin died. She passed away at a very young age of 23. But, in spite of all these, we never questioned God. We knew and understood His plans for her. I have also learned that if you really trust God and believe in life after death, it can never really separate us from the one we love and from God. Death is not the end of one’s life but the beginning of one’s journey back to our Creator. Death also taught me that life is too short, that we have to show the people we love how much they mean to us, and love is too long, that even though a person already left his/her mortal body, they will remain in our hearts forever.

There also came a point in my life when I think about my life and had thought that I was just wasting it because up until now, none of my dreams had ever come true. When I was a little younger, all I wanted is to find a man who will love and accept me for who I am and have my own family with him. I’ve been searching for that person for a long time now. But, it seems like all the guys that I’ve been meeting are the wrong person. It is also the same time when I lost my job. I feel so hopeless and alone. I feel like everybody else is happy but me. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore and I worry a lot about the future. I feel like I couldn’t find my purpose. I feel so worthless. I did bad things and I hated myself. I hated my life. I even felt that God don’t love me because all the things that I have been praying for, I couldn’t find it until now.

But I guess God had His way of teaching us lessons worth learning. He has His own ways of communicating with us. He sometimes use people to tell us the answers to our questions. At this point in time, I know I haven’t found what I am looking for in my life yet. It is still a never ending struggle for me, but now that my mind had been cleared up, I know this struggle is not just my struggle, but God’s struggle too. As long as I know how to communicate with Him, I know He will never leave me. He’ll stand by me and carry me on bad times. I guess I just need to be more patient. I need to trust in God’s plan more cause it is better than my plan for myself. I will have to put my whole trust in Him. Now I think I had known better. I should be a stronger person against life’s challenges because my God is bigger than all my problems.

Even Jesus once asked God: “Father, why have you forsaken me?” but just like Jesus, after questioning God’s plan for us, we should tell Him “In Your hands, I surrender my life” And, from now on, all I have to do is surrender my life to Him and everything will fall perfectly into place.

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14Feb 2013

The Christian Experience – Cindy Mock

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1) What makes you believe in the God of the Bible (what led to your decision)?

Most of my life I felt I was missing something. Even when I had my children I was not totally happy. I thought there was something wrong with me. Then I asked Jesus into my life and He filled that void, that emptiness I had always felt. He loves me enough to answer my prayers.

2) What is the greatest challenge in your walk with God?

Resting in the Lord. I have a take charge personality and it is hard for me to let go, let God.

3) If you could say one thing to those who are unsure about God or don’t believe in God, what would you say?

First I would invite them to share their story with me. Everyone has a story. I would invite our comforter in to lead me in scripture and share some of my story with them. I would try to impart on them How Much God Loves Us. I would do follow ups if possible to allow encouragement, comfort and support.

Cindy Mock

Osseo Community Church.com
People think I’m crazy. They say “You take this Jesus thing too seriously.”
We’ll I don’t know, but Christ took me pretty seriously when HE DIED FOR ME
ON THAT CROSS

Her Story:

My Dad was a very giving man, always helping someone out. He pretty much lived out the idea you never met a stranger, people were just friends you had not met yet. Although we were told about Jesus, Church was not apart of our lives. My Dad had so much goodness in him it still amazes me, because it was him not Jesus, you see my dad was an alcoholic he drank almost every day of my life. Then in 1984 he quit drinking and smoking, just like that, no help from pills or anything that I’m aware of, he quits. A year later almost to the day he has a stroke that leaves him unable to talk and walk and thats when God came into Our House. Hallelujah !!!!!

At this time I have two small children and I’m a single Mom living out in the world. The words “Keeping my eyes on You” began to haunt me. I would wake up in the middle of the night with these words running through my mind. We as a family hooked up with a Church, my kid sister had discovered coming home one Sunday morning still drunk from the night before. My Dad starts watching Jimmy Swaggart, 700 Club on T.V. My Dad gets sick COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) the cigarette abuse caught up with him. 1987 Nov 23 at about 1:00 my Dad went home to Our Lord. Praise the Lord!!!!

Now I can give you all kinds of excuses, but the fact is we turned from God, not totally. I’m ashamed to say I used God when it was convenient to me. But God didn’t turn from me , no way he still loved me. In 1989 I met and married this man that loved to play guitar, sing etc..After many years of trying to block out these words I finally set down one night and put “Keeping my eyes on You” to paper. I never changed a word of it, it is as it came to me back in 1985 through the Holy Spirit. I continued to write, play and live my life my way.

Fast forward 2009 I end up in the hospital COPD i’m in bad shape the Dr says you are dying get it together. Your only hope is a lung transplant. My son is off in the service (Army, proud of you,Baby), my daughter has a family (proud of you Baby), I’m divorced but living with this guy that is not so nice. (Ya you can say it) I’m not living well at all. I’m headed full speed me and my sin for a Mack truck and I have nothing to protect me. Death is not only knocking it has me pulled almost completely into the grave!!!! I spent that night Bawling my eyes out alone with my God.

The next day I went back to work and continued on living my life, smoking away. Now my son is so against smoking it is like a personal attack against him and he has always been this way. Last nov he comes home from CO for a visit. He is getting out of the service because of an injury they can’t fix. He has my Grandson (my daughters youngest boy, she has two)with him they are at the Service Station where I have worked for the past four years. Now my son has said this so many times through out his life it was like a broken record, I would just wave it away, ya some day. They are standing their together saying “Mom(Grandma) quit smoking we Love you.” and it really hits me. I mean like to my knees HITS ME I could NOT die and let these precious babies think I didn’t love them enough to fight to live.

God brought me victory Jan 31,2012. Hallelujah He is my Hero. Todate…April 8th 2012 I ended up in the hospital, turned blue twice, but God let me know He still has work for me to do. The Drs just shake their heads, they have a hard time believing I am up and doing the Lord’s work. My lung capacity is about the size of a 6 month old baby. All they can offer is to keep me comfortable at this end time of my life. I go to Respiratory therapy twice a week and do an hr long exercise program over a mile of continuous exercise. I am currently being cleared to go into our local Nursing Home to volunteer to read, sit and/or talk to bedridden/stroke/coma residents.

Where ever the Holy Spirit leads me I will go.
P.S: I just celebrated one year no smoking and into my 10th month of a year they said I most likely had to live.

 

 

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07Feb 2013

What is Your Crutch in Life?

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We all have them, the most successful person in the world has a crutch, we all try and brace ourselves on the crutches of this world because we think deep down it will bring us the security and peace we desire deep in our hearts and souls.

 

For some, it’s their bank accounts, reputation, job, career, family, intelligence, etc. But no matter how much we lean on these worldly things, their bound to break sooner or later simply because their not eternal.  They are fallible, finite things that can be taken away in an instant.

The harder we lean on these crutches the harder we’ll fall when God takes them away. How do you react when the things you’ve depended on for so long are taken away?

 

 

A friend who I helped care for in hospice passed away recently.  He was a dental surgeon, accomplished, he got his pharmacy degree before that and decided it wasn’t for him so he went back to dental school to become a dental surgeon.

 

He worked so hard, his entire life he put into helping people, but in the end, he came down with Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s at a time when he was ready to retire and enjoy his life.

 

I remember his wife telling me one day that she didn’t want me to make the same mistake they did, which was to think that school and success would let them do the things they wanted to do so they could live, instead she told me don’t wait, live everyday and do as much as you can.

We often think that life is all about waiting, waiting to graduate from high school and then I’ll be free, waiting to get my first job so I can be money, waiting to get a promotion so I will be finally happy, waiting to retire so I can do the things I want. The truth is, God wants us to treat this temporary moment in time as a gift, a journey of both spiritual growth and enlightenment.

And in order to do that, we have to start spending our time, resources, and emphasis on the things that matter most to God. We simply can’t place our emphasis on the things of this world because they not only distract us from this journey with God but also pull us farther away from it.

The only crutch we should have is God, he is the only one we can truly go to and depend on fully, he will never break, or abandon you, he will never cheat you, he will never make fun of you or love you any different, instead he will love you unconditionally and will bring a purpose into your life like you’ve never experienced before.

 

So don’t rely on the worldly crutches, you can lose all of your money in an instant, you can come down with a terrible disease, you can lose your job, but God will never leave you nor forsake you. If God took away all of the crutches in your life, who would you be, what would define you?

An old Christian monk once said that a man cannot live with himself if he has neither God nor worldly things, a man can temporarily live with himself if has no God but has some worldly things, but a man can live in total peace with himself if he has God and only God.

So you need to ask yourself, what are the things I truly value and would God place as much emphasis on those things as I do?

God might then respond,

“For when you come to the place where I’m all you have, then you’ll find that I’m all you need.”

 

 

 

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29Jan 2013

How Did God get invented?

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A six-year-old Scottish girl named Lulu wrote a letter to God: “To God, How did you get invented?” Lulu’s father Alex Renton, who is not a believer, sent her letter to various churches: the Scottish Episcopal Church (no reply), the Presbyterians (no reply), and the Scottish Catholics (who sent a theologically complex reply). He also sent it to the Archbishop of Canterbury (Rowan Williams), who sent the following letter in reply:

Dear Lulu,

Your dad has sent on your letter and asked if I have any answers. It’s a difficult one! But I think God might reply a bit like this –

‘Dear Lulu – Nobody invented me – but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised. They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from. They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected. Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible. From time to time I sent them some hints – specially in the life of Jesus – to help them get closer to what I’m really like. But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!’

And then he’d send you lots of love and sign off. I know he doesn’t usually write letters, so I have to do the best I can on his behalf. Lots of love from me too.

+Archbishop Rowan

What do you think of the letter? Did anything in the letter speak to you? Would you change anything? Leave your comments below!

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24Jan 2013

Should Homosexuality Be Taught in Schools?

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Gay marriage and gay rights continue to be a hugely controversial topic in today’s society. Here in California, on June 16, 2008, gay marriage was banned by Proposition 8 but gay supporters continue to fight to get those rights back. Some of the common arguments I hear for gay marriage is that everyone deserves a right to get married regardless of their sexual orientation. Many people think that by preventing homosexuals rights, it’s a form of discrimination that contradicts a country that preaches equality for all. I fully understand these arguments and I’ll admit that even as a christian, I sometimes wonder if it’s ok to to infringe on their rights.

However, as homosexuality becomes more prevalent in today’s society, more and more questions are popping up about gay rights.

Do you think homosexuality be taught in public or private schools, why or why not? Do you think its important to integrate homosexuality into the academic curriculum? Leave your comments below!

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09Dec 2012

Abuse As a Teenager – Carmen’s Experiences

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In this post Carmen shares her experience with abuse as a teenager. I pray that God may touch your heart through her experiences and that one day you might be able to share with us here your own experiences with God.

My name is Carmen I am only 16 years old (2011). I know my faith is in GOD and only Him. I’m so young, yet I’ve been through almost everything. I’ve never been to church or truly learned about GOD, but I’ve always known and loved Him, but now it’s so much more than that.

My dad brought me closer to GOD then anyone. It all started when I was younger. I used to be daddy’s little girl – his princess. As I grew up I saw my parents fight a lot of scary fights. They would hit each other – yell – scream. I always feared for my mom’s life when it came to my dad and I still do until this very day. The only difference is now I have learned to let go and let GOD because I know He’s with her.

My dad used to sell drugs; big drugs. He was always a scary person. He was always about pride and respect. I saved my mom’s life countless times.

When I was like age eight or so my dad shot at my mother in front of me out of a window. I’ll never forget it – NEVER. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I never thought he would ever do something like that until that day. It made me open my eyes to a lot of things at such a young age.

Throughout my entire life I’ve never met no one who understands me or my pain besides GOD. Sometimes I do wish there was someone human like that, but He gets me though everything just fine.

When I was nine my dad went to jail on gun and drug charges for five years. My dad has always cheated on my mother and she would always want to know who the girl was, or where he was at – sometimes in the middle of the night. I’d put my boots on and have to go out looking for him with her.

Then when he finally went to jail, my mom had hope for them to work everything out in their marriage. It didn’t work. He cheated on my mother in jail, yet she still took him back.

I didn’t meet the real monster in my dad until he got out of jail. That’s when he started to threaten not only my mom a lot more, but me. I have a little brother. He’s two now and he’s with my dad all the time. Because he doesn’t work, my mom does. My dad screams at my brother and hits him hard. Sometime I tell my mom, but as always – nothing. She’s so scared of him and it’s so sad because there’s no escaping him. Or maybe she’ll just never leave him, but who am I to judge.

I remember I took my brother downstairs with me one time to spend time with him and my father told me, “Bring him up to me before I bash your skull in.” I told my mom but still nothing was done about it. There’s never anything done about it. I wish she stood up for me sincerely – just once.

One time when I was fighting with my dad, I was in my closet crying and this tag started moving. I know it was him with me. I had chills. I took a video because I was in such shock. I know GOD was with me that day.

I had another bad fight with my dad when he came home drunk. I was walking in my bedroom, and he started telling me to stop talking to him disrespectfully, but I wasn’t talking disrespectfully. I went and got my mom. Then he told her he was going to hurt me. He ran after me a couple times yelling, but my mom held him back. He broke my door trying to get in and punched a hole in it. Then my mom sent me downstairs to my aunt’s house and then she came downstairs and apologized to me. She told me she loved me. She actually hugged me and told me everything would be okay. I truly believed her. Then she went back upstairs and came down mad at me. She told me she didn’t like me; to get away from her and it was because he was mad at her because of me. He hit her that night too. I screamed and freaked out and even after she told me she didn’t like me I still wouldn’t let her go back upstairs, because he was going to hurt her.

I stood by the door guarding it, so she wouldn’t go up. She was so mad she dug her nails into me. It hurt so much to see how quick he has the ability to turn her against me … but I forgive you Mom. I promise now I will sleep down here every night because he drinks every night.

It’s never the same because it’s not your house and your bed. I wish it was just me and my mom again. Then I’d be upstairs. She was my best friend. Now it’s like she doesn’t even care about me.

Well, I know she does. I just want my old mom back sometimes. I try to be the best person I can be. I help all my friends with their problems. I always tell them about GOD. I’ll make anyone smile if I can. It’s ‘kinda what keeps me going in life. I honestly don’t care to see myself smile. That’s not what I’m here for.

I have a boyfriend who helps me take my mind off my parents. I remember I never would tell him what went on in my home life. One day I told him a story and he told me “I’d never know because you’re always smiling and so happy.” That made me feel good because that’s my purpose. I believe my life is this way for a reason. I believe I was put on this earth to be something – someone important to Jesus Christ – to God – for God. That’s why I will never let anyone break me.

My dad can get to me badly sometimes though. I used to go in my closet and cry and cry and just cut myself. I didn’t know who to go to or what else to do. I have scars. I can honestly say when someone cuts themselves it’s a cry for help, but when my mom saw the marks, she just threatened to punish me.

I forgive both my parents for everything. Every tear … every yell … every put down … everything. (God tells us to forgive, and keep forgiving, those who hurt us in the Bible. I’ve come to realize the reason He tells us to do that is primarily for OUR own good).

Another scary time was when my dad had a knife to mom. They were in the room. I heard a click and something told me to go into the room. He had a knife to her. It was right before I left for the bus stop. I was scared all day in school. GOD was with her though. When I came home, she was fine.

I have stories and stories I can tell, but I won’t. I want to put it all behind me and GOD is helping me do that. I even try to get my dad involved with God, but he just knocks my spiritual views. I hope one day he repents and becomes a better person. I do and will forgive him. I declare I just want them to get help.

Now my mom has been reading the bible and Christian literature, to which I am so proud of her. I know GOD’S with me and I know in time everything will be okay. As I get older I want to get closer and closer to Him.

As for my parents: I still love them with all my heart. I refuse to hold a grudge and there is always room for forgiveness. My aunts and grandfather also help me, but they can only do so much and I’m thankful for every bit of it. I help them as much as I can.

I’m writing this to help me get things off my chest. I really hope to grow a better relationship with my parents. I will help lead them to GOD with me. Throughout everything in my life that was bad, GOD has blessed me with millions of times more good … just my waking up in the morning … eating … having clothes is a gift, and I am very blessed, I’ve realized. I know everything happens for a reason, and I know GOD has mine and my family’s back. We’ll all be okay because GOD is leading the way.

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20Nov 2012

Divorce as a Christian – Linda’s Experiences

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In this post Linda shares her experience with divorce. I pray that God may touch your heart through her experiences and that one day you might be able to share with us here your own experiences with God.

“Look at the fallen pastor’s wife!” My reflection shouted at me from the mirror. I stared back, in horror, at the broken, defeated image. Surely this wasn’t me…this couldn’t possibly be me. Memories of the previous months whirled and danced in my mind, flinging their arrows of accusation and hopelessness like poisonous darts, into my heart.

In a split second the inquest was over and the verdict was in . . . “GUILTY WITHOUT HOPE!” I turned from the mirror and threw myself across the bed. I wept uncontrollably while the tide of guilt and despair spread quickly through my entire being. Condemnation announced the penalty…DEATH! Death was the only way out. “God,” I pleaded “please be merciful and let me die.” The silence was deafening. If God wouldn’t let me die . . . I’d have to figure some way myself!

I lived in anguish for the next months, desperately wishing for death. However, death wouldn’t come. Life went on and on in unending moments of torment and despair. Throughout the following days, as I watched my life unravel, my mind demanded to know the answer to the same question: “How did I get to this point of despair and hopelessness?”

I was raised in a Bible preaching church and have served God since childhood. I began preaching at age 15. By the time I was 16, I was traveling and preaching in various churches. Upon graduation from high school I attended Bible College where I met and married my husband, James. As newly weds we entered the full time pastoral ministry. The years ahead were filled with a mixture of happiness, disappointment, stress and the toll of exhaustion which ministry takes upon ministers.

The path of ministry we chose to pursue led us through seventeen years of home missions ministry, during which we planted three churches and pastored another home missions work. Four healthy children (three boys and one girl) were born into our home.

Although our ministry was successful and rewarding in many ways, our personal lives began to crumble. Unfortunately, while tending to the vast needs of others, our own relationship was neglected and deteriorating. Anger and resentment began to brew while walls of isolation were erected. As the marital problems surfaced, James and I coped with them in individual ways. James poured himself deeper into the ministry, while I withdrew and sank into depression. After twenty years of marriage and ministry my heart became callused and I made terrible choices resulting in sin. Hurting and devoid of hope, I filed for divorce. My world had come crashing down around me. I felt like Humpty Dumpty. I had indeed tumbled off the wall and my life was shattered.

Hopelessness and despair became my constant companions. The enemy of my soul taunted me. “God won’t forgive you” Satan shouted, “your sin is too horrible.” In sin and disobedience, I tried to run from God but his unending mercy followed me. In fear and torment, I tried to hide from Him but His unconditional love found me.

I could not forgive myself so how could I expect God or anyone else to forgive me. For weeks I struggled with the idea that if only I could find a way to clean up the mess I had made of my life, I could go back to my Heavenly Father. Awe! Perhaps then He would welcome me. However, I was totally unable to change my own condition. Try as I might, I couldn’t put my life back together again. Suddenly, the story of the Prodigal son came vividly to mind. The Prodigal didn’t have to take a shower and clean up before he went home. He got up out of the pigpen and went back to his father’s house just the way he was . . . dirt, filth, stench and all.

The words to that old hymn rolled over and over in my memory: “Just as I am, and waiting not to rid my soul of one dark blot, to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, Oh Lamb of God, I come! I come!” The sweet Spirit of God whispered to my heart: “Linda, get up and come just as you are.” By faith I placed all the broken pieces of my life back into God’s hands. Slowly and gently He began the healing process as He put the pieces of my life back together again.

My husband and I are remarried (to each other) and we went back in full time ministry. Our marriage was better than it was before. We learned to communicate, as well as the importance of keeping our priorities straight.

My husband has since died, and I am now remarried to another wonderful man of God. (You can learn more about it on our ministry website: http://www.humptydumptyministry.net/ )

Our world, the Church included, is full of hurting broken people who live in hopelessness and despair. I know, I have been there. It is true all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could never put Humpty Dumpty together again. However, the King of Kings will reach down and put the broken pieces of your life together again.

If you have fallen and are broken, you are not hopeless. You don’t have to clean up the mess before you can come home. You can come JUST AS YOU ARE!! Your Heavenly Father stands ready to forgive and heal. There is hope for the broken . . . and His name is Jesus!!! If you would like to be reconciled to God today, please click here to learn how you can do that.

Ministering hope and healing to the oppressed and the broken.

“Rejoice not against me, Oh my enemy; when I fall… I shall arise!!!”
Micah 7:8

NOTES FROM THE EDITOR: Linda’s anointed ministry offers hope and healing, to the oppressed and the broken. Her speaking flows from a rich background of ministry, Bible study, and personal experiences of healing from brokenness. She has been a speaker in Colorado, Southern New England, Arizona and Nevada for over twenty-five years.

As a victim of incest and product of an extremely dysfunctional home, she identifies with and ministers to those whose lives are in bondage to wounds from their past.

She also ministers hope and healing, from God’s word, to those whose lives have been shattered as a result of their own failures. Many in our society, the Church included, are broken and need to know there is hope, healing and forgiveness in the blood of Jesus. Society discards and rejects broken vessels, but Linda knows from personal experience, God’s grace can restore them. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, there is hope for them. The King of Kings will pick up the broken pieces, heal them by His blood, and lovingly put them together again.

Just as the prodigal son got up from the pig pen and went home to his father, our Heavenly Fathers invites those who have failed Him to come home… just as they are.

Linda is a wife, mother of four, and speaker. She has spoken at Women’s Aglow meetings, Joy Fellowships and churches of various denominations. Her ministry embraces people from all walks of life. Although she has a special burden for women, she ministers effectively to the entire congregation.

You can learn more about Linda’s ministry at her website: http://www.humptydumptyministry.net/

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21Oct 2012

Contemplating Suicide – Bill’s Experiences

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In this post Bill shares his experience with suicide. I pray that God may touch your heart through his experiences and that one day you might be able to share with us here your own experiences with God.

My mom was the positive influence in my life. She was always building me up. She called me a trooper. In addition to being my mom she was also my best friend.

Mom loved horses. She taught me to ride at three years old. Even when I was just a little kid mom and I would ride in horse shows together. We went everywhere together. Mom loved to shop. I even went shopping with her just to be with her. I didn’t like it though, it was boring, but I went just to be with her. Shopping is a girl’s thing.

When I was about ten years old we moved to the country and Pop (that’s what I called my father) built mom a stable on five acres of land. She would teach riding lessons and rent and board horses, and I grew up roaming the woods on my horse and hunting and fishing and stuff like that. It was a good life and I loved it.

When I was 13 my dad got the idea that I should go to military school. He was afraid that mom would spoil me or I would grow up to be a sissy being around women all the time…ha, fat chance! I wish pop would have kept his machismo ideas to himself, but I went for two years, and I’d never been so homesick in my life.

When I was fourteen I talked mom into letting me take flying lessons. The war was just over and flying lessons were cheap and you could solo at fourteen and get your private license at sixteen. They wrote me up in the paper, as the youngest pilot in the history of Shreveport. I’ve still got the picture. Then I got Mom interested in flying and we bought a plane. The newspaper article was entitled, “Mother and Son Flying Team.”

When I became high school age my dad got another of his machismo ideas. We should sell mom’s stable and move to town and buy a fancy house in the best section of town, ostensibly so I could have a social life. Personally I believe that he manipulated mom into this just to gratify an ego trip. He had made money during the war and now he wanted to be a big shot. This turned out to be the worst mistake he ever made.

So we bought the big house and moved into town and I got the social life that dad wanted and a convertible. But secretly mom wasn’t happy. But she kept it from me. She missed her stable and her horses and the big house and fine furniture didn’t mean a thing to her. And besides, her little boy was growing up and she felt I didn’t need her anymore. I guess she got depressed, but we didn’t know what that was in those days.

One night about 2:00 AM my dad came into my room and woke me up. He said, “Son, prepare yourself for the most serious thing that ever happened to you!” I woke up with a start, “What,” I said.” He then said to me, “Your Mother has just shot herself !” I ran into moms bedroom. She was unconscious. I laid her head in my lap and just held her. There was a bullet hole in her temple. She died in my arms. There are no words sufficient to describe the pain I felt. My heart literally broke inside me. It was if I had died too.

It was April Fools day.

I felt like a zombie. Walking around dead. I started drinking to kill the pain, but I couldn’t cry it hurt too bad! I went through the next forty years of my life like that all dead inside but I still couldn’t cry. Till finally one day I looked in the mirror. I didn’t like the person I saw. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and quit drinking.

One night a spirit came to me and held my hand. I felt that my mother’s spirit was in the room. I talked to her and forgave her. Then it lifted. Something comforted me all that night. It must have been the Holy Ghost.

I won’t go into all the details of all the suffering that Alcoholism cost me, about the bankruptcy or my marriage breaking up because it’s not relative to this story. I just hung onto AA because it was all that I had at the time to go on.

Then one day God called me. He told me to move to Oklahoma City that I had a friend there that he wanted me to meet. I kept getting confirmations that I should move to Oklahoma City so I went. I loved it, Oklahoma City is a spiritual place. The big sky. I’ve never seen so many stars in my life. At night all you can see are stars from horizon to horizon. And the friend I was to meet turned out to be Jesus.

Jesus became everything I needed. My best friend, my Heavenly father and my mother. Words can’t describe what it is like to get born again. It’s like literally getting born again. Suddenly you’re brand new. All the old hurt and guilt of the past is gone and life is filled with hope and wonder. The sun shines brighter and the moon is bigger and the flowers smell sweeter and the birds sing prettier and suddenly life is wonderful. And miracles are an every day occurrence. Suddenly everybody is nicer to you than ever and you make friends everywhere you go.

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for my new life with Jesus. I’ve had every material thing that a man could want but it didn’t mean a thing without him.

My mothers tragic death left it’s mark on me. For twelve years I went around rescuing young women in their early thirties. Just the age my mother was when she died. My testimony has averted several suicides and I have been able to lead several young women to the Lord.

I spent seven years in the street ministry working with the prostitutes, feeding them, clothing them, and taking them in when necessary, nursing them when they were sick and visiting them when they were in Jail. They called me their pastor. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Living for Jesus isn’t easy but it is the most rewarding life that a person can have. Jesus is in a war. A war between good and evil, and he calls you to be a soldier in the army of God.

I hope my mother is in Heaven. She never talked to me about things like that. She kept too much to herself and it killed her. I love you Mom, wherever you are!

If you would like to hear more of this testimony, just email me at bigapplebill@truevine.net and say “send more”. It is also available on cassette tape and if you would like to have one, please send your name and mailing address and it will be mailed to you free of charge.

 

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19Oct 2012

Finding God In Prison – George’s Experiences

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In this post George shares his experience with prison. I pray that God may touch your heart through his experiences and that one day you might be able to share with us here your own experiences with God.

I’ve been arrested for everything from cattle rustling to first degree murder. I’ve been shot, cut and clubbed and had done much worse to others. All this time … I heard God calling to me but I kept running away, truly thinking that God could never forgive or want anything like me. I had done far too much. I had given up on me but what I didn’t know was that Jesus loved me in spite of me.

I had asked Jesus to be my savior back in 1978 on my way to prison for the first time, but my commitment to Him didn’t stick.

In 1981 I tried Meth, and spent the next 23 years in and out of prison and jail, running from the Lord and myself.

Jesus was about to show me that He will finish what He starts. This is what it took to get my attention. Jesus brought me to my knees and carried me through … being broken down to nothing … to what would become my turning point.

It had been a rough night. My Wife at that time (Jonna) who had cheated on me twice before, had admitted to me she was doing it again. My thinking before had been that if I could forgive her and show her what real love was, she would stop doing this.

That didn’t work out so good. This morning she said that by the time I got home from work, she would be long gone. Her drug dealer friend from Oregon was on his way down to get her. We had been doing Meth and drinking for years and had just decided it was time to get cleaned up because we now owned a little trucking company and wanted to save our marriage.

Looking back, I see that it was a decision I had made. The arguing was going nowhere and if I stayed I would kill this man, so I went out and fired up the truck, took one last look at home as I knew it, and went to work. They were not worth going back to prison for.

So you’re maybe thinking how awful this is? Put on your seatbelt, were just getting started.

I spent the day at work, glad to be a truck driver, because like an old bear, I just wanted to be alone. I don’t think I would have made very good company anyway.

The day just dragged on and on and I tried to call her two or three times, hoping that maybe she had gotten some sleep and we could still work it all out somehow.

Finally I had dropped my last load and could go home. I pointed the truck North. I got a call from a friend letting me know she was gone so now there was no reason to hurry to get anywhere. I took my usual exit and made the first of the two last turns that would get me home on the truck routs.

I came up to a slight right curve in the road and saw a girl getting out of a car on my left up ahead. She looked at me and waited for me to pass by so she could cross. Just as the first half of my 18-wheeler got past her I saw her dart out into the road way too early. In that split second I thought, “She’ll stop because she has to see my trailer”.

I watched in disbelief. She didn’t stop. She ran under my trailer just in front of the rear axel on the driver’s side. I watched as the rear fender hit her, slamming her to the ground on her back, then the rear tires running her over.

I was yelling, “Oh God no! No! No! This can’t be!” I stopped fast as I was only doing 25 MPH, set the brakes, got out and ran back to fix it. Yes, I thought I was going way too slow for there to be any real damage. I would fix it and be on my way.

I got to her and being an ex-firemen, the old training kicked in. People were just standing around doing nothing and I noticed a man next to the side of the road she had been going to. He was frozen in place. It was her husband. He saw it happen.

I went to work. Blood was gushing from her mouth so I knew that in the impact she had bitten her tongue and I needed help to turn her or she would drown. No one would help. I yelled at them but they just stood there. I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder and was gently working my left hand under her head and neck so I could turn her, and it was at that moment I realized … she was dead. The back of her head was caved in from the impact with the pavement. I checked once more for any vital signs. She was gone.

Time stopped. I could hear sirens coming from everywhere. I knew there was nothing anyone could do. She was dead and I did it. In my mind I had killed an innocent person. There was no way to justify or rationalize it. Innocent and dead.

I got up and moved away – looking into the faces of everyone – apologizing to everyone. This was her home; they all knew her. I went back to my truck and pounded on the side of it and waited for the police.

That’s when it started to sink in. This will be a third strike. I am going to prison forever. I got my phone and called my broker. I told him where I was, asking him to come get my truck because I had just killed someone and was going to prison.

With that done I sat on the fuel tank and just looked at her laying in the road … and I cried.

Someone was talking. I heard it again. “Are you the driver”? I looked up. Highway patrol. So this is it. “License and registration please”.

A firemen walked up. They looked at each other and knowingly nodded – signifying to the officer that she was dead.

They led me to the front of my truck so I could not see her anymore. They then asked me if I was alright. I couldn’t talk and they asked again. I just looked into the far off distance … their words not really registering.

I heard someone say, “Do you want a chaplain”? I heard me say, ‘Yes’. The firemen stayed with me until the chaplain arrived. He took me in back of some trees where I could not watch the investigation and then a trauma prevention person came up to us. lt turns out they were both Christians. Real bible believing Word of God Christians.

They asked if they could pray with and for me and I said, “You need to go pray with that girl’s husband. He saw her die and needs you more than I do.”

They both looked at me and said, “He sent us to you.”

I broke down into a pile of mush. I had just killed this man’s wife and he sends them to pray for me?

I heard one of them saying, “God will not give you more than you can handle.” I remembered that verse from long ago. They kept quoting things that I knew were from the bible I had once cherished.

The highway patrolman came over and asked me to do a breathalyzer test. I did and it was clean.

Then he said the investigation was over. He told me after taking measurements and collecting all the whiteness’ statements – most importantly the husband’s – it all proved that I was not at fault. The two men who had been praying for me said, “That’s what we have been trying to tell you. Her husband told us that’s what he saw, then sent us to take care of you.”

I was mush again.

By now my broker had gotten there with a driver that took my truck to his yard for the night and cleaned it off so I would not have to see it. My broker then gave me a ride home.

Remember the part about my wife leaving? I walked in the front door and the only things that kept it from being empty was the overturned furniture, the scattered trash and my dog. That was the most alone I had ever been.

This would be the longest night of my life. I just kept seeing her laying in the middle of the road and I could still feel the back of her head in my hand.

An old friend came to sit with me but I convinced him I was fine and sent him away. The old bear wanted to be alone.

The next two weeks were hell. I had to go back to work the next day or lose my business, but I just kept seeing her. I could not sleep, so I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and some sleeping pills. For the next two weeks it was JD and pills and maybe I could sleep each night until about 2 a.m.

I could not convince myself it wasn’t my fault. lt was in those early hours of sleeplessness, just my dog and I alone … the most alone I had ever felt … for the first time since this whole nightmare began, I prayed.

I didn’t feel like praying. I didn’t want to. Something in me just did it. I heard me say, with tears streaming down my face, “Jesus, fix me”.

That was it. That’s all I said.

Then a memory came to me. lt was when my son died years ago. That pastor that took care of you and the service. Glenn was his name. Go see Glenn. What was the name of that church? The Salt Mine. Go to The Salt Mine.

So that next Sunday I went. I sat towards the back and did just fine until the singing started. I did my best to hide it with all these strangers but I was a big bucket of mush.

I calmed down some during the message part but then they started that singing again. They made an invitation to come up front for prayer, and for the life of me I don’t know how … but there I was standing up front crying like an idiot.

Glenn asked me what I needed prayer for and it all just flooded out of me like a dam had broken and a giant torrent had been released. People gathered around me. They laid there hands on me and prayed. I don’t know what was said but I felt it. I felt it go — as if a great weight was lifted from me.

I knew it was gone and I was free at that moment. You guessed it, I cried some more. I rededicated my life to Jesus right then and there.

Nothing has been the same since that day. I was delivered right there from the nightmares, the Jack Daniels whiskey, the pills, the Meth and the blame. Jesus gave me a new heart and a new life to go with it.

I stayed on at the Salt Mine and now have become a recovery counselor. I have found that what I have been through is now a blessing to others in their struggle to be free.

Blessings? God gave me a Christian clean-and-sober-wife, a home, a job and a loving church family. And I still have that dog.

God was calling me back and I ran. What’s it going to take for you?

May God Bless You,
George george58@ssctv.net

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07Oct 2012

Why I Didn’t Divorce – Carla’s Experiences

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In this post Carla shares her experience with divorce. I pray that God may touch your heart through her experiences and that one day you might be able to share with us here your own experiences with God.

I wanted out. My marriage was over. My husband was rarely home. When he was, he was working, de-stressing from his job by playing on the computer, or sleeping off jet-lag and long days of meetings. There didn’t seem to be any benefit to being married.

It wasn’t just his absence, but what it communicated to me. I felt unloved, used, and taken advantage of. His work, hobbies, free time, and desires seemed more important than me, than family, than us.

I was lonely, starving for attention. I needed to know I mattered. I always said I’d never be one of those women. The kind that have affairs. I was a Christian. I loved God, read my Bible, and prayed every day.

Even so, a close friend soon captured my heart. By God’s grace the relationship didn’t become physical. But it was still an affair… an emotional affair.

When I realized there was another man who could love me, who would be there for and with me, I knew my marriage was finally done. Why would I intentionally stay in a painful marriage with someone who didn’t seem to care?

Surely God wanted me to be happy.

Then my world came crashing down. My husband had been gone for three weeks and was coming home in a few days. It was time to let him know our marriage was over. Before he got home, though, God used the Body of Christ, His Word, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit to shake up my world like never before.

A Christian friend asked me hard questions about my marriage. She prayed a targeted prayer for my marriage and against my emotional affair. In our private and tolerant society it is unusual for someone to ask personal questions and challenge our lifestyle. Yet she did.

The next morning an encounter with a stranger and a conversation with radio hosts Gary and Barb Rosberg made things even more black and white: I was being selfish and unfaithful in my marriage.

Finally I went to God. I begged Him to understand why I really needed a divorce. But the heavens were silent. I decided to play the trump card. “God, didn’t you promise that Christian marriages would be happy? Won’t you keep your promise?”

The heavens finally broke open. I felt God say He would keep His promise to give me a happy marriage if I could find that promise in Scripture. I searched. And searched. And searched.

There is no happy marriage promise.

I was devastated. God graciously turned my eyes to the book of Hosea, not to chastise me, but to show me something new.

Hosea, a new prophet, was told to marry a prostitute. You can’t tell me he didn’t at least hope his faithful love would turn the heart of his wife, a lady of the night, to fully love him in return. She didn’t. There was nothing beautiful or “happy” about his marriage.

I got angry with God. Really? You knew this would happen, and yet you still told him to marry her? You planned this?

After hours of ranting and praying, I was exhausted, my heart empty, my emotions raw. Then I saw something I’d never seen before.

It was hope in God and in His promises that carried Hosea. Hosea didn’t just love his wife. He loved God and so he loved his wife. Laying there on the carpet I knew that I knew that I knew that if I wanted to hear God greet me with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” I would need to love God and obey Him. Just like Hosea.

So I stayed. I ended my affair. I didn’t leave.

It was hard. It was work. It still is. I stopped focusing on making my marriage better. I stopped thinking about how to make my husband happy or how he could make me happy.

Instead I turned my attention and focus on God. I prayed for strength to be obedient. I prayed for joy when I felt despair. When I felt God prompt me through His Word or the quiet whisper of the Spirit, I obeyed. It was like putting on a pair of blindfolds and saying, ‘Okay God, lead. I’m following.’

Obedience meant apologizing. It meant changing my tone or keeping quiet to begin with. It meant bringing him a can of coke. Each day God gave me something to do as an act of worship to Him and it often looked like blessing my husband or a refining of my character.

About 6 months after I made the decision to obey God above all else, the Lord took off the blindfolds. It was time to see where He’d taken me.

I was still married to the same guy. I was still picking up his socks and wishing he’d come home. But there was joy. Joy in the midst of the mess. And for the first time in years, my heart was for my husband.

And I had hope. I’d been convinced hope was dead. There’d been almost nothing good between us. But God brings the dead back to life and creates new things where there is nothing. He did that for us.

We’ve been married 18½ years. We still disagree. We still hurt each other’s feelings. We’re far from perfect. Yet with God’s grace we’re learning to make it work, better and better.

Many ask how I stayed in my marriage and some say I shouldn’t have. I tell them all the same thing: My focus on obeying God helped me stay.

Does God want His people to have a happy marriage? Absolutely! I truly think He does. But He doesn’t promise it. Above all He wants obedience. Obeying God won’t guarantee you a happy marriage, but it will give you all the ingredients for joy and hope in the midst of the mess.
Carla Anne Coroyis the author of Married Mom, Solo Parent: Finding God’s Strength to Face the Challenge. She is a regularly blogger on her website www.carlaanne.com and serves as a staff writer for an online Christian women’s magazine Mentoring Moments for Christian Women. Carla Anne lives in Canada with her husband, Trent, and four homeschooled children.

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