A friend of mine recently asked me to share my testimony for a website that he started to help share the love and healing that can be found in God. It’s funny because it’s not the first time that I’ve been asked to share my testimony, but I have come to realize that while I continue to take breaths on this magnificent creation of our Lord, my testimony will continue to be written; a story that never ends.
Previously, I would have shared my testimony as this: I grew up in the Catholic church, and even went as far as being confirmed, but to me there was always something missing. It was all “stand up, sit down, do this, do that.” It was missing something, but I had no idea what that something was. I would later discover that it was the relationship with Jesus.
Throughout high school, I attempted to find other churches in our small town, but they all lacked what I was looking for. In college, I attended worship every Thursday night in the gazebo on campus, even in the middle of winter, singing songs praising God…I just liked to sing them, but their words had little meaning to me. I even joined a gospel choir group because I really did love to sing.
And then after freshman year, I fell farther away than ever…I lived with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, moved out of that bad relationship and on to the average college party-every-night routine. Upon entering graduate school, I found myself in a new city with few friends and a lot of time on my hands to think about where my life was going. Something was still missing. I had a sense of spirituality and that there was something bigger than myself, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
It wasn’t until I reconnected with an old friend whom I hadn’t talked to since high school that I was given the clarity I needed. We were falling for one another, and given our previous bad relationships, we knew what we required…our bottom lines.
One of his was to be married to a Christian, and he asked me to search my heart and watch the Passion of the Christ. Then he said, “Gun to your head, could you deny that Christ died for you?” I couldn’t. I broke down. I knew that the missing something was Christ, and that I had been trying to fill that God-shaped hole for way too long. There was only One who could fill it.
I wish I could say that I immediately knew how to follow the Lord and went forth and sinned no more. The truth is I didn’t know how to get close to God the way I wanted…that took something much bigger, and my testimony continues.
I married the man who brought me to Christ, and I became closer to Him through the sinful actions of that same man. Through the hurt, pain, and destruction of my marriage, I learned to rely on the One who will never let me down, the One whose love is unfailing, the One who will never leave me or forsake me.
I have come to realize that by putting my relationship with Him first, everything else can be right, even when nothing is right. He will provide strength, peace, and love as long as my faith remains in Him.
He is my Redeemer, and my Restorer. He is constantly working in my life and my husband’s life, and He is working to Reconcile that which He desires above all else in my life, a marriage that brings honor and glory to Him.
I don’t yet know where my testimony will end. Only the Lord Himself knows that. He knows all of the plans He has for me, and He’s not finished with me yet. I hope to someday share the testimony of a fully restored marriage, and only by the grace of God will I be able to do so.
I hope to someday share the testimony of faith that has made us not only stronger with each other, but stronger in the Lord above all else. I hope to someday share the testimony of a family which honors God and shows His love to others. I hope to someday find myself in the presence of my Father, who will say to me “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” But until then, my testimony will continue to be written.