Christian Women: Don’t Wait on Men. Just Wait on God.

waiting for guy to change

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Lamentations 3:25

Our world is filled with women who leave it up to the men to make the first move, and unfortunately, many women in the church do the same. Our society constantly preaches that instead of going out and finding love, women should wait to be found, as if the only good men are the ones who will break their backs to do the finding.

As Christians, we should be firmly denying this twisted mentality of romance.  A man isn’t any less of a gentleman if he doesn’t want to act right away, and a woman isn’t any less valuable and unique if she wants to actively pursue him. Women and men are both equally treasured by God, and instead of holding one gender to a ridiculous standard, we should be living by God’s perfect timing.

Some might say:

But what about the women who give so much and get so little back?

In other words, what about the women who are sick and tired of looking for love and winding up empty? Of course, in this case, there is waiting to be done. But these women should not be waiting on the men. To blame someone you haven’t met for the delay of a relationship that may or may not happen is completely unfair to everyone involved. Whoever your soulmate will be can’t help that he isn’t your soulmate yet. If you’ve searched and searched and have wound up empty, maybe you should redirect your focus to serving God, and let the relationship come whenever it’s meant to.

This is not to say that you should give up, easily, however. Sometimes, fulfilling your desires requires walking away. Sometimes, it requires persistence.

So how do you know when to retire your search and when to search even harder?

That call is yours to make according to God’s will as you understand it. If you pray consistently and are constantly meditating on His word, He will make things clear to you. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” As a general rule, if you have the confidence and patience to keep going, and your motives are pure, then by all means, keep going.

But if your search has you burned out and frustrated with yourself, the world, and God, you need to move on- at least for the time being. And while you’re ‘moving on’, be sure not to close off all connections with the dating world. You should still be available and still be interested, but not desperate. A relationship should no longer be your top priority, and you should now have more time to spend growing both as an individual and as a believer.

A common complaint from single Christian women is that they just can’t seem to surround themselves with the ‘right guys.’ As a Christian, dating can be harder because your moral standards are set so much higher. Not only do you have to find someone who shares your interests, but you also have to find someone who shares your faith.

But dating can also be easier, because if you have Christ in common, you’re already more than halfway there. While there isn’t some magical secret to attracting the ‘right guys’, there are a few tips you can use to weed out the bad ones.

Here are some simple tips to help you in your search for the right Christian guy.

First, look in the right places. Clearly, your chances of finding a respectable Christian man in a bar or casino are very slim. Dating websites like can be helpful, but beware of the ‘fake’ Christians who will profess to be believers just to get close to you. Christian dating websites may be more fruitful for this reason. And, as cliché as it may sound, church is actually a viable dating venue. That doesn’t mean that you should go to church simply to look for guys. Instead, see it as an opportunity to get closer to God and connect with fellow Christians who could be potential marriage partners.

One other extremely helpful tip is to make your faith known almost right off the bat. The first thing a potential partner should know about you is that you are a follower of Jesus Christ, and that God will always come first in the relationship. This way, you can find out what he believes, and if your values don’t match up, you can know for sure that he isn’t ‘the one.’

What if you’re already in a relationship that feels one-sided?

Change is hard, lets face it. The most difficult part about all of this is that some change will be inevitable if things are to get better in your relationship or marriage. The quote below really summarizes how I think we all feel about change.

Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.

It’s not easy when you’ve invested so much time, energy, money, and sacrifice into a relationship only to feel miserable still. That is why it’s often so hard to leave. I like to think of it as a plant. You’ve built this plant that was once bearing beautiful fruit but now that plant is starting to bear less and less fruit, even looking damaged in some areas.

Do you rip out the plant with deep roots and start over or do you try and fix it, hoping the plant will get better and one day bear the beautiful fruit again?

If you’ve reached this point already, something definitely needs to be done, that is for sure.

The first thing you can do is to be honest with yourself and write down all of the things that are making you feel this way. Some things you list might seem trivial at a second look, others you might find are actually unjust and fixable, and some you may feel even more upset about. The point is, it will help you get ‘everything out’ and help you take steps to start evaluating your feelings and your relationship.

Here are some of the common things people mentioned:

-delaying or giving up a career.

-being the sole provider with an unmotivated husband or boyfriend.

-delaying or giving up children.

-husband or boyfriend plays all of the time with friends while wife or girlfriend works.

-husband or boyfriend has an addiction or problem with _________ and I have waited years for that person to change hearing the same excuses.

Here are 5 common ways you can tell if you’re in a one-sided relationship.

1) If one person is doing all the giving, and other is doing all the receiving.

2) If the sacrifices you make feel like slavery instead of servitude.

3) If the focus is short-term pleasure rather than a long-term commitment.

4) If you aren’t building each other up in the faith.

5) If your partner doesn’t reciprocate your love for God.

In these situations, there are only two options- fix it or leave it.

Of course, leaving would be the easy way out. But there are little steps you can take to help mend the relationship; small acts of kindness and love, open discussion, and even counseling are just a few of them. If the relationship seems fixable, then stay. But know that the longer it remains one-sided, the more toxic its effects can be on both of you.

In closing, in your search and even in the dating process, let God’s judgment be your judgment. Let His will guide your decisions. Don’t complain that He is making you wait; rejoice and be grateful that He is giving you this time to grow in patience and grow in your walk with Him. Don’t wait on men, for they are just as human and imperfect as you are. Wait instead for the right one to come at the right time, and trust that God will make it happen.

Do you struggle with this issue? Share your experiences below!





  • Rose says:

    Hmmm. Waiting is not easy. It takes the grace of GOD. More Grace.

    • Gopaul Munsami says:

      I enjoyed reading … iam blessed.
      That’s is why I mentioned amazing.

      Hi Rose .. you are an amazing … a woman .. excellent teaching
      I have a son 41 still waiting….
      Still waiting for his life long partner .. he is a Christian..
      a musician was in s Christian band was writes songs … waiting for a partner to complement him in the ministry. … his is serious about family life .. to raise a Godly family (godly offspring) according to Malachi 2: 10– 15.. his in his own apartment.. I did say to him wait on the Lord… .not anymore.. recently he said dad it looks like I going to be single .. I said I don’t think so ….. ..I know he will be responsible Father and husband.
      In terms of providing .. and his responsibility …. from a concerned father .. Thanks Rose
      Promised not a word .. he doesn’t not know I have written to you … we feel guilty we gave him a ring of promise not to have sex until he marries .. like me and his mum ..

  • mary says:

    Awesome website

  • Andrea says:

    I enjoyed reading about healing, I need prayer and healing of a sickness.

  • jacky says:

    Nice message

  • Elia says:

    Amen, and thank you for sharing this post.

  • Susan says:

    Thanks for the post very reasonable God bless you

  • Edward Mijarez says:

    I like the comment that was said: Women and men alike should pursue that special someone. Don’t wait for the man. Some guys like me are too timid to make the fist move!

    Thank you

    Edward Mijarez

  • Mojalefa says:

    Whosoever reads and digest this article, is already end route to happiness! Some people are true ambassadors of God and the truth. So is the writer of the article above!
    Thanks for this in-depth thoughtful and informative piece!

  • Earl Ransom says:

    Love. Jesus all the time

  • Jacinta Bill says:

    As a mother of teenage girl. The whole saying is very encouraging and also right from wrong. I’m very blessed
    Thank you.

  • cody lombus says:

    Thank you so much for this helpful article, it can be difficult finding a partner who is strong in the Lord but these tips will help me reflect in my own relationship.

  • Gary says:

    It is very hard too wait, especially when my past marriage was difficult from the start. I have waited patiently wondering if the Lord has heard my prayers, even though I have started reading the Bible from front to back in a years time learning to trust in the Lord, it’s hard. Could use the extra prayers to those who read this! God Bless!

  • Gary says:

    Hi Peter, Thanks for your reply, I guess the most important thing is not only Gods direction in my life but that when things are to happen according to His will, that there would be confirmations to follow them. Thank you again!

    • Peter says:

      Hi Gary,

      Absolutely and to be honest, that can be very difficult. I know in my own struggles it can be hard sometimes to listen to what He wants because its often the opposite of what we (our flesh) wants. You add onto that, the business of life and having to take time out to really listen and open your heart and you start to realize that it does take work on our end to do it. We continue to fight on and do our best though. 🙂


  • Christina Zam says:

    I just ended a three relationship with a man who compromised me into sexual sin. He goes to church and serves at church and attends bible study, and even got baptized, but he still compromised us to sexual sin. I could no longer grieve the holy spirit. I felt a nudge from God to end things. I didn’t want to, because he is a good guy. He also doesn’t know the balance with his kids. The seemed to always come first. It felt as if I was constantly fighting for the relationship and taking a backseat to compromising. I honestly do love him and have feelings for him still and I can’t seem to move on. I know it’s what God wants for me. I keep praying in the hopes that maybe he will have revelation and a change of heart. I don’t really know if it’s what God wants. He still is a man who wants to break God’s heart.

  • Gary says:

    Hi Christina, I understand your situation however if he really loved you he would have never put you in that position no matter how great the temptation was! I personally would have walked away and never looked back! Intimacy is supposed to be after you put a ring on each other’s finger and said “I do” promising not to put your significant other in harms way, meaning don’t compromise your Spiritual relationship to the enemy. How do I know this, is because it was a mistake I made with my past relationship, ultimately ending in divorce. It is something I truly regret, I personally believe if that didn’t happen we could still be together today. Remember if something doesn’t seem right in the Spirit, DON’T DO IT, the enemy wants to instill guilt in you that could last the rest of your life! I hope the best for you! God bless you!

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