As my marriage fell apart . . . I tried to cope with two busy little boys on yet another long weekend. Normally my wife was out of town Thursday to Tuesday. I guess with a very heavy heart – in a kind of way – I was talking to God.
Was God real . . .or had I been forgotten? Was my Christianity in doubt because I had probably made some mistakes in my life . . . or was I still accepted by God? (Maybe you can relate to what I was wondering …)
The baby was crying so I was walking around outside, trying to cope and trying to watch the older boy who was fishing on the boat dock.
The 19 month old baby was clinging to me as in his short life he could feel uncertainty, as dark forces targeted our little family.
In the midst of all this mental turmoil, I just said with a voice of disgust, “God — where are you and why are you allowing this to happen to me?”
I guess I had some twisted notion that bad things do not happen to people who believe in God.
My prayer was answered in an instant, I was told most clearly:
“ Lennie – I am with you. I am holding you just like you are holding your baby.”
I thought … well that’s little comfort, but – I would like to hear something more.
“No – No,” was the reply, “You do not understand. I am holding you exactly as you are holding the baby.”
I am very fortunate because, for sure, God talks to me sometimes, so now I was wide awake and ready to hear His voice.
He again said to me, “Lennie – I am holding you just like you are holding the baby. You are holding the baby in your arms in the Love position. His head is on your shoulder. Listen to Me,” the Lord said.
“Because of this position, the baby can see where he is now and he can see over your shoulder where he has been, but he cannot see where he is going. He has his trust in you as to where he is going.
Now I am holding you and you can see where you are now, and you can see where you have been . . . but you cannot see where you are going. You must trust me.”
I was deeply touched and am thankful for this insight.
I must say that now, 5 years later, if I had known the very tough times ahead, I would have been in deep despair. It is my faith and trust in God that keeps me going. He does not want us to see the future. He needs us to embrace and trust Him no matter what the circumstances.