Ever since I was a child, I always felt that I was one of those people who could consider myself as blessed.
Not in material things but with the love of my family and the people around me.
I have a good family, we are not wealthy but we have the things that we need.
Growing up, my mother is the one who had always led me closer to God. She taught me everything that I need to know about being good and obeying God. But then again, even though I grew up like this, not everything that was happening was good.
We even came to the point when both my parents were jobless, and I saw how they struggled just to give us an education and put food on our table. There even came a point when my parents separated, but, they talked about it and with God’s help, they fixed everything up and got back together.
One of the most difficult phases in my life was in 2008 when my mother died. She passed away with complications of diabetes; Heart and Kidney failure. For 2 weeks, the hospital had been our second home. At that time, I thought I was ready to let her go. But I had proved that no matter how much you try to convince your self, there is no such thing as being ready for someone’s death.
I feel like I have lost half of my life when she was gone. My mother and I were so close that at that time, I couldn’t imagine living my life without her. But then again, with the help and guidance of our Lord, me and my family slowly started to move on, and let go.
We prayed everyday and every night for strength to finally move on. And not just that, after our mother passed away, she taught us a lot of things. Her sickness made our family closer and we began to love one another even more. Our faith in God grew bigger, and we prayed as one family more frequently.
I have lost a lot of people in this lifetime through death. Just recently, one of my closest first cousins died. She passed away at a very young age of 23. But, in spite of all this, we never questioned God. We knew and understood His plans for her. I have also learned that if you really trust God and believe in life after death, it can never really separate us from the one we love and from God. Death is not the end of one’s life but the beginning of one’s journey back to our Creator.
Her death also taught me that life is too short and that we have to show the people we love how much they mean to us. Love lasts forever and even though a person already left his/her mortal body, they will remain in our hearts forever.
There also came a point in my life when I thought about my life and wondered if I was just wasting it because up until now, none of my dreams had ever come true. When I was a little younger, all I wanted was to find a man who will love and accept me for who I am and have a family with him.
I’ve been searching for that person for a long time now. But, it seems like all the guys that I’ve been meeting are the wrong person. It is also the same time when I lost my job. I feel so hopeless and alone. I feel like everybody else is happy but me.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore and I worry a lot about the future. I feel like I couldn’t find my purpose. I feel so worthless. I did bad things and I hated myself. I hated my life. I even felt that God didn’t love me because all of the things that I have been praying for, I couldn’t find it until now.
But God had His way of teaching us lessons worth learning through hopeless times. He has His own ways of communicating with us. He sometimes uses people to tell us the answers to our questions. At this point in time, I know I haven’t found what I am looking for in my life yet. It is still a never ending struggle for me, but now that my mind had been cleared up, I know this struggle is not just my struggle, but God’s struggle too.
As long as I continue to communicate with Him, I know He will never leave me. He’ll stand by me and carry me through bad times. Our God is bigger than all of my problems.
Even Jesus once asked God: “Father, why have you forsaken me?” but just like Jesus, after questioning God’s plan for us, we should tell Him “In Your hands, I surrender my life” And, from now on, all I have to do is surrender my life to Him and everything will fall perfectly into place.