How God Can Help Restore Trust In Your Relationship

restore trust

I put my trust in the Lord with the way I should go. In Him I am sure that everything will be as perfect as it is planned. In Him I am sure that I will never be betrayed.

Most people never really give much thought about trust throughout the day. We seemingly know that it exists, we know its important but we don’t really realize just how important it is until we lose it.

If you’re here reading this, I assume maybe you did something to lose trust in your own relationship, or maybe you were the person who was hurt and are looking for an explanation to figure out why they would do that.

The truth is, anytime trust is broken in a relationship it always involves someone getting hurt. If trust wasn’t important to us than it wouldn’t hurt so much when someone broke it.

My Story…

This is a good time to share my own experiences. About 8 years from today I made a major mistake of breaking the trust in my own relationship with my girlfriend (ex now but thats an entirely separate story and unrelated to this).

I was bored one night and this girl messaged me on msn messenger. We ended up chatting for awhile with some flirtation and eventually went on Skype.

That night my girlfriend noticed I was on Skype and asked me what I was doing on there since it was pretty late. I lied to her and told her I was talking with some of my friends back home but she knew I was lying.

At this point I knew I was caught and had to tell her the truth. I broke down and confessed everything.

I told her the truth about that night on msn messenger and how I was really talking to another girl and we both cried together for several hours.

She wanted to take a break in our relationship and see if God really wanted us to be together. We exchanged emails back and forth for awhile, which we saved to serve as an important reminder of how important honesty and trust is in a relationship.

A couple weeks later we met and had a true heart to heart talk about the direction of our relationship and whether God really wanted us to be together. I knew that I broke not only her heart but I had broken the trust that she had in me.

What Changed After I Broke The Trust?

If it wasn’t for God’s strength and example of grace, she told me we would not be together. I knew at that moment that I had to change but I couldn’t do it on my own.

God put it on my heart to do some major changes to build that precious trust in our relationship again. The first thing He put on my heart was that I had to have a foundation built on Him. I saw a vision one night and I know without a doubt it was God.

I saw two houses, one house was built on solid rock, it was stable and firm, and when a storm came it wouldn’t move. The other house was built on sand, it swayed back in forth in the wind and when a big storm came the house would start to collapse.

As you can guess, a foundation that is built on God provides the stable foundation that allows two people with a heart for God, to get through anything that life brings its way. The other house was an example of a relationship built on the world. The world’s morals are constantly changing, their really is no foundation other than whatever each person believes in, which of course changes over time.

I knew that my foundation wasn’t built on God, I was shaky and when I got stressed or lonely I had a tendency to ‘grab’ for the things that helped me cope.

I knew that it was going to take some time for my girlfriend to trust me again. I also knew though that I couldn’t sit back idly to restore trust, I had to be active and I could only do it with God’s help. I decided to stop trying to take control of my life and instead let God lead me.

Wow, did he start to take control! The first thing he put on my heart was to put up a norton monitoring program. Basically, my girlfriend could see every place that I went to on the internet and it even blocked all pornographic sites, chat sites, and dating sites.

The next thing I did (with her watching) was eliminate all msn messenger contacts, all unnecessary phone numbers, and deleted my facebook.

These may seem drastic to a lot of people but my girlfriend and I vowed that if God really meant for us to be together in marriage, than we needed to fix these things BEFORE marriage.

The steps I took also showed to her that I really loved her and that I was willing to do anything for her. It wasn’t easy for me to give up those things and I did stumble frequently early on. However, we both noticed that I was stumbling less and less into the same sins that had held me captive for many years.

She started to notice the changes in me and couldn’t ignore them. We both knew that God was really changing my heart, healing me from my past hurts, and leading me to become the Christian man he wanted me to be. I know that is why she is still with me and never gave up on me.

As you can see, if you’ve broken the trust in a relationship than your going to have to make some drastic changes to rebuild that trust. Your going to have to fight for him or her and show them through your ACTIONS and not your words that you truly love them.

It is only by God’s grace, strength, and love that I was able to have victory over the many sins that held me prisoner.

The 3 most important things I learned from this experience:

God’s example of grace and forgiveness is what allowed my girlfriend to truly forgive me for my sins, God’s love set an example for me about what true love really was and how I needed to show her that same love, God’s leadership directed me in ways to restore the trust in our relationship and His strength helped me overcome my past sins which were causing it.

The common thing in all of this, is of course, God, without Him, it would have been impossible and we would never be together today. But with Him, what seemed to be insurmountable became possible. We’re a walking truth and example of how anything is truly possible with God.

No matter how much pain you might be feeling from the broken trust, or how lost your marriage or relationship might seem, God can restore it but you need to start over…with Him.

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

-Philippians 4:13

 Do you struggle with trust in your relationship? What do you do if someone breaks it?  

Blessings,

Peter

 

Comments

31 Comments

  • alice says:

    l need help,l dont trust him after discovering his unfaithfulness despite being saved.

  • cyril says:

    please help me to restore love to my girl friend

    • HealingfromGod HealingfromGod says:

      Hi Cyril,

      Will be praying for you and your girlfriend. Let me know if you want to talk. Take care.

  • B says:

    Your story is so similar to mine and my fiancé’s. A year ago after we’d been dating quite a while I discovered he lived a very similar life as you did behind my back. I am by nature not trusting or open, I keep to myself and struggle showing affection. However, I put this aside and gave him everything I could-i was open, vulnerable, affectionate. I made sure my own insecurities didn’t come between us. I knew he had an awful past, we talked openly about it and about how he was now close to God and had changed, but apparently he hadn’t. My heart was broken and I became my old self-shut off with all kinds of emotional barriers up to protect myself. I believe the grace of God somehow lead to me staying with him giving him a chance. For a few months things got worse and I found out 2 more times that things hadn’t changed like I thought. He was always upset that I hadn’t moved on from what he had done to me and it took until the third big thing for him to be humbled and realise he was in the wrong. He is no longer pressuring me to ‘get over it’ and we are now engaged. We have more good days then bad days and I know I can trust him. But I struggle being able to move past the hurt. I don’t understand why he did what he did and why he thought I deserved that. I feel like I have no self esteem left and while I am proud of how much he has changed and grown, I am ashamed to look at myself and see the bad habits I have as a result of my hurt. I am insecure, anxious, I struggle being open, I hide my feelings…I am the opposite of who I was at the beginning of the relationship when I gave my all. I was wondering if you have any advice for my side of this? My fiancé is wonderful and helpful and an amazing new person, and I feel like I’m holding us back by being this way. He deserves for me to let go again but I don’t know how to be vulnerable and selfless again when last time it ended with so much hurt. It feels easier to keep protecting myself
    What can I do to be who I need to be and who God wants me to be in this relationship? I know God wants us together because He is the only reason we still are, as I never could have stayed in my own strength. We have good habits now, we pray together everyday and he tries really hard to be accountable for all of his actions by being honest with me. I owe it to him to be the same way but I know my hurt is stopping me from opening up and I just don’t know what to do..

    • HealingfromGod HealingfromGod says:

      Hi B,

      Well first of all, I’m very sorry that you had to go through what you did. The questions you have is very similar to my wife’s initially, “Why would you do that to me? Do you think I deserved that?” These are common questions that arise anytime we are hurt because we want answers. From my research, talking and counseling others, and through my own relationships that finding answers is natural but does little to alleviate the pain we feel.

      Finding answers to why is usually always a way for us to go, if I knew why they did what they did, I could do something about it or I could change. This is not the answer though. The answer to moving past the hurts is accepting that what happened to you had nothing to do with who you are as a person and who you are in Christ. Thats not the same thing as saying you had no responsibility, role, or factor in what happened.

      Its important you take this first step. Forgive yourself for what happened. Self-blame I have found is one of the biggest roots and obstacles to moving past our hurts. I think being more forgiving and Christ like-compassionate towards yourself will go along way. You also mention that you feel like your holding back your finance, those are very similar words my wife said. What helped her was when we both daily talked about our feelings, reflecting on the past only when it was interfering with our present relationship, and working through our thought processes. That helped us both tremendously.

      If you’d like to chat more feel free to email me healingfromgod@hotmail.com.

      I’ll be praying for you B, hang in there.

  • micbams says:

    John 10:10b says “I have come that you might have a rich and satisfying life”. I tell people that the devil is very smart cause he wont come directly but would first use little sins to entice people before he drags them away from God. Thats why the Bible says “We should guard our hearts for out it comes issues of life”. Thank God that your wife discovered before you were married, that God gave her the grace and strength to stay with you, that you made up your mind to change and for the Great Love God had for you. We are nothing without Christ. May God help us to be faithful till we meet the Lord in Jesus name. Amen. Keep up the good work. Shalom!

  • Anonymous says:

    The exact scenario happened with me and my fiance. We are no longer living together and I have re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I can only pray that he allows God to forgive him, as I have. (yes, I still have “moments” and that confuses him as to whether or not I have truly forgiven him, as much as I was as to why he made the choices he did).And also, that he can forgive himself. He is a good man, but only human, just like all of us. I can only pray that the Spirit move in him so that we may move forward according to God’s will. I want him to know that we CAN overcome this by God’s Grace.We both may have messed the relationship up, but I’m believing by God’s grace that he will see us through it. But most importantly I want him to know God’s Spirit and power…with or without me.

    • HealingfromGod HealingfromGod says:

      Hi,

      It sounds like your heart is in the right place and that you have taken the right steps to forgive, learn, and grow from those painful experiences. There were a couple of things that really helped our relationship:

      1) A mutual decision by both of us to work on the issue. Things like, I needed more then ever to show how much I loved and cared for her. What’s interesting is that the more I did it, even when I didn’t want to, God started to really open my eyes to how precious and important she was to God and myself through this diligence. The love became more natural and in turn, she became more receptive, open, and trusting again.

      2) Communicating and expressing our weaknesses. I needed to know what her biggest fears were and she needed to know mine. As we talked more, I realized how her fears were rooted in things that weren’t even entirely based on the events that happened. Instead, they were from things that happened in her childhood and that distrust, that fear, was reinforced and magnified in my decision to cheat. We also were able to identify our ‘triggers’ and put barriers around them to protect us from situations that ‘triggered’ our fears.

      She also began to understand what my fears were and why I did the things I did, regardless of whether they were right or wrong. The important thing was, we were talking about it in a non-judgmental way with the common goal of healing and restoration. Now, whenever either one of us are doing a certain ‘behavior’ we now have a much better understand where each of us are coming from which allows us to RESPOND appropriately, not react inappropriately.

      Will be praying for you and hope this helps!

      Peter

  • Thamsi says:

    I need to know more about God and his existence in my life.

  • Sahai says:

    Thank You so much for sharing this. Glory to God.

    I pray in Jesus name, believing completely, that the sweetest and adorable relationship between me (brother)and my sister are restored by God’s Grace. I do believe, He can make way out of no way. I pray and believe through His Mercy and will our relationship will be forever blessed and beautiful.
    Thank You everything, GOD.
    AMEN

  • Gladys maina says:

    I also had the same story but i broke his…. It has been too hard to regain.. The trust he is now dating another girl. But it has been too hard for me to get over him… I still love him so much ad still want him back. Just help me.

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Gladys,

      Unfortunately, trust is really hard to gain back when its been broken but it is possible through Christ. I would really encourage you to pray about it and let God take the lead, it its His will for you two to be together then it will come to fruition. I will be praying for you!

      Peter

  • miko says:

    I have a distant relationship with my boyfriend for 1 & 1/2 years. There were problems that he had on me like I have to talk loudly, that I have to listen on what he’s saying and many more. I tried to have patience and understand all these things. It came to point that have a big fight because of miscommunication. And he abuse me verbally because he feels so mad. I refrained talking to him for 2 weeks because i dont deseve to be treated this way . I tried to talk to him again and he said our relationship is done. He said on his message this morning…he knows he hurts me, there were so many problems and it came too much to deal with and he’s sorry the way he handle it. The last fight was a disaster. I am so depressed….please help me.

  • Ashley says:

    I Love That Story
    In My Relationship We Both Had Our Faults He Tends To Ignore Me When I Hurt Him (My Words)
    I’ll Say Things I Don’t Mean And I’ve Been Extremely Hurt In My Past Relationships:-(
    And When He Came In My Life I Was Leary And Wasn’t Paying Him Hardly Much Attention But He Would Still Try I’m Praying For God To Help Me With My Insecurities And Everything Else That’s Not Of Him
    I Pushed This Guy Away:( Last Time We Talked He Said Yes He’s Still A Lil Mad At Me
    He still doesn’t really want to talk but what I’m doing more of is Praying & Asking God to Restore us back

    Thank You for sharing your story: -)

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Ashley,

      Sounds like your definitely taking the right steps right now with prayer and asking for God’s guidance. Relationships are not easy but when we put in the work, look to God for our guidance and have faith that His plan is best for our life then we gain peace in those promises regardless of our circumstances. I’ll keep you in my prayers!

      Peter

  • Diana says:

    HI Peter
    I was very inspired by your situation. I am going through a situation dealing with trust. I meet with an old boyfriend from years back. We started dating about 7 months ago. When we started dated he was going through his second divorce. He was extremely depressed and lost his job, retirement, and home. He moved back with his parents. In the beginning I was not going to continue the relationship because of how depressed he was. However I did keep praying for him. I prayed that God would heal his heart and bring comfort to him. God did work in his heart. He change and we started dating. Everything was going great. Then one day he just stopped talking to me. He would not answer my texts or calls. I was extremely hurt. When he finally contacted me he said I was getting to serious. When in fact we both were and I think he just got scared of getting hurt again and wanted to back off. I did not trust him. I worry he may just stopped talking again. Now he will only talk once or twice a month. I continue to pray that God restore this relationship. I still love him very much. Now that he is back in my life he comes to me with a broken heart and does not trust women. His self confidence is so low. I suspect he is contact other women to gain some reassurance back. This breaks my heart and I am hurt that he does not want to talk about this. He has so much to offer and I can see God using him in a mighty way. What can I pray about so God will heal his heart and restore his trust in me so he can love again? I am staying away from him and don’t contact him. I only wait for him to contact me. When he does contact me he will send me referrals or does something for my business. I ask for your prayers in my situation.

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Diana,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think a lot of your prayers for him are exactly what they should be, continue to pray for God to heal his broken heart, help him to find confidence not in world things or approval but in God’s promises, help God to guide him and ultimately guide both of you according to God’s will and not your own wills. If God really wants this relationship to work then God will allow that to happen. I also think that keeping your space is a good idea for now, he needs to take care of himself first and to really get right with God, in the long run it will be better for him and ultimately his future relationships which may or may not be with you. Ultimately, continue to talk with God and I will definitely keep both of you in my prayers. Please stay in touch and keep me updated!

      Blessings,

      Peter

  • Andy says:

    Hy Peter I’ve dated a man for 1 year then he asked for marriage and I agreed ..lately when we moved together I’ve found he can’t make Love (told he did an operation 15 years back cause he didn’t wanted to have sex) I’m 32 he’s 46 this problem doesn’t make me happy I really don’t know what to do.

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Andy,

      Sorry to hear about your situation. How is your husband unable to make love physically? Its obviously something that should have been mentioned before marriage. If you could tell me a little more I might be better equipped to answer your question. Feel free to email me as well since its a sensitive subject.

      Thanks and sending prayers up for you both.

  • Sav says:

    I can absolutely relate and this is what I experienced. Even though, he and I have this soul connection, his sins overpowered him. He was flirting, ‘befriending’ women (married/single), being a ‘therapist’ to their issues, exchanging sexual pics, etc. It took him a whole year to delete one of his online accounts! He still claims none of this happened and also has a lying/narcissistic personality.

    Two years later, still in love with this person and nothing and no other person makes me feel the same. He has even followed me online to get my attention, but only talks by email. God even had it on my heart to pray for his salvation, but two years?! I am literally crushed and constantly feel his soul within me and I know he feels the same. I don’t know when he will be saved and it is hard to live without him.

    • Peter Peter says:

      That is hard Sav, so are you guys no longer together but he continues to communicate with you through email as you say? If that’s the case, I would encourage you to somehow delete the email or open up a new one while not opening that other one if possible. While I think God does call us to pray for people, even our exes at times, I think sometimes the best thing is to completely cut it all off especially if he has a pattern/history of this and you have to question his motives here. For me personally when I was struggled in this area, the core root of it was self-esteem and not knowing my self-worth in Christ and my motive was to keep as many women in my life as possible to help me feel better about myself. I know its difficult, I know even after 2 years the pain and hurts and feelings we can have for someone we really love can linger but try your best to cut it off, focus on YOU and your relationship with God, continue to grow, and things will get better I can assure you,been through a lot to know that honestly despite how hard it is. Will be praying for you!

      Peter

  • Priyesh says:

    I’m in a distant relationship with a girl. I love her so much and want to marry her. She only consider me as a special friend and has no feelings for me. She had a bf with whom she broke up recently. I loved her even she was with him. She knows that I love her, but I don’t know how to bring the same feeling in her.
    Please pray that one day she understand my feelings and we will be one together.

  • Ashley says:

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  • Crys says:

    I have a problem. He cheated and had another baby with his ex that he must now continue to communicate with. and then I broke up with him then I was with someone else and then again. I did it again. I kept getting confused as to why I was with him cause there was so many other things. Feeling left out. Feeling neglected feeling nagged feeling like he didn’t like me cause he was mean with me when he cheated even though I did nothing. He would always call me names it’s hard to forget all those things. He blames me all the time but accepts no blame. I’m willing to move on. But he continues to bring up the past. And that’s been the thing. I don’t want to be with someone who can’t honestly forgive me for walking away. Ive accepted his other kids now. I’ve been focusing on being together but I feel like he does not feel the same cause he still always hurting me with the past and I feel like it’s the poison that will ultimately destroy what we have. So many times I want to leave but our daughter will say his name.and I always go back cause I want to save my family. Everything seems a mess I need God’s help. I know that. I am worried I’ll stay if it’s like this. I want ro hope but it’s everyday that we fight about it and it’s not right. And he can be so nasty with me. Please help. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I always go back to him. And I’m always scared he will chat again. I have to say the trust is broken. But it’s hard that he has another family. It’s hard to live with that. It’s why I walk away. But then I go back cause I don’t want to lose my own. Up until now. It’s a nightmare. I don’t know if I’m wrong

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Crys,

      So just a few things just so I understand things a bit better. You and your partner are married? You have one daughter with him?

      You said, “He cheated and had another baby with his ex that he must now continue to communicate with. and then I broke up with him then I was with someone else and then again. I did it again”

      So he cheated while you were both together and had a child, you broke it off and then saw someone else and then got back together again?

      It seems the big dilemma for you is that you want to keep the family together but 1) He continually brings up the past hurting you, 2) You fight often and sounds like some emotional abuse (check out my other article where I discuss this), 3) The fear that he will cheat again.

      Do I understand this correctly? Just want to make sure I understand your situation before giving any input.

  • Paul says:

    Me & my now ex gf broke up 4 months ago. We Always had incredible times together. Seemingly perfect for each other .She was going through some tough times and I thought she left me for somebody else but it turned out that was not true. I said some stuff to her friend which got back to her and now she will not speak to me. I absolutely regret it because I know she’s hurt but we both love each other and now I don’t know how to get her back. I just keep praying to God and hoping he will bring me a miracle. Thank you so much , Amen

  • Donetta Menke says:

    Please help me Lord. I have finally decided to date after being alone for over 10 yrs. I met David and thought I had found the most amazing man in the world.I went to his house and caught him with someone else. He has been distant and cold like I was the one that broke our trust.?? Im not sure what I’ve done to deserve to be treated so poorly.? God please heal my broken heart, and help David become the man I know he can be. So someday forgive him. Amen

  • Danielle says:

    I am trying to rebuild my relationship but the more I try I end up discovering more lies, unfaithfulness which leads back to broken trust all over again.

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