How To Let Go Of Someone You Love

how to let go of someone you love

Turning the page isn’t easy. Often times we get stuck on the same page, the story that brought us so many moments of joy and love. Staying on the same page is the hope and longing that maybe they will come back, maybe things will turn out differently, maybe they will change their minds. The truth is, by continuing to stay there we miss out on the stories around us that have the potential to be as life changing as the ones we experienced. Sometimes God brings people into our lives and just like that, similar to a wind pushing them from behind, God briskly takes them away. All we can do is trust, and have faith that God is opening a new chapter in our life that is even more beautiful.

I wrote that recently after a heartbreak and one of the most difficult things in life is losing someone you truly love.

If there’s a kind of heartbreak that has been universally felt by countless people across all cultures in the world, it is the heartbreak of a breakup. There’s nothing quite like the pain of the knowledge that the one you love is no longer yours. As impossible as it may seem, there’s nothing you can truly do but come to terms with the breakup, let go of the situation, and focus on healing, so that you can move on and become a stronger person through it all.

The process is not completely dependent on you, however. It can be easy to accept all the responsibility for your healing so that you have an excuse to wallow in self-pity for however long you want.

But the truth is that God is the only one who can fill the void you feel after a breakup. He is the one who repairs our souls, and we are just the vessels He uses to make that happen. Heather Lindsey advises, “Let not make any more excuses of ‘easier said than done.’ Let’s instead say, God—I trust you.”

Letting Go…We must do all we can to help facilitate our healing, while still relying wholly on God.

Here are five ways that, according to Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen, can help us to do just that:

1. Understand that the breakup may be the best thing for you.

Grief can often cloud our judgment so much that we can’t see the bigger picture unfolding in our lives. After all, how could something as terrible and emotionally draining as this possibly play a part in God’s plan for our lives? God has been using pain to yield glory since the beginning of time, and He continues to do so in our lives today.

Despair teaches us to hope. Suffering teaches us to rejoice. When we realize that our situations shape us in ways we cannot see, it becomes easier to accept the hurt now, if only to grow later.

2. Accept that you did the best you could in your relationship.

After a breakup, it can be tempting to pin the blame on the likeliest victim, even if it’s yourself. But this reaction solves nothing; it only stirs up all kinds of negativity and regrets that need to be resolved if you are ever to move on. The end of a relationship is not your fault; it was part of an uncontrollable series of events that, believe it or not, God is using to build you up in faith. The sooner you reach acceptance, the better.

3. Decide what needs to change in your life.

If we become self-absorbed in depression, we can become stagnant in our walk with Christ and in our lives in general. We may not even mean to; it is simply the natural effect of a life-altering event. It is more than okay to break down, to think about what happened, to feel, for lack of a better term, sad. But eventually, when you are ready to heal, you have to make a change. You have to shift your attention from the breakup to something much more enjoyable and fulfilling to engage in.

4. Accept your lack of control.

The most frustrating part to come to terms with is, without a doubt, the fact that all of this is happening, and you cannot control it. No matter how many texts you send, how many tears you shed, how many times you try to bargain with God, the damage has already been done. Even if you do manage to beg your love back, your heart cannot be as it was before. You can’t change what has already happened, and you cannot change someone else’s mind. Instead of trying, focus on things that you can change, like your own outlook on life and dependence on God.

5. Get spiritually refreshed.

Of course, the one thing that remains constant in every trial is the steadfast love of Jesus Christ. He is the remedy for every single aftershock of this massive earthquake called a breakup. He has experienced every struggle you can name; loneliness, frustration, sadness, betrayal, and even death. He knows that despite the trouble of this world, true joy can be found in following Him.

If you feel dead inside, chances are that you need to be spiritually refreshed. If you haven’t been going to church, why not get back in the habit? Read the Word, and pray constantly. 

My Personal Experience:

When I moved out to California I did so for my ex-girlfriend. I loved her a lot, I had plans to marry her and I did my very best to make our relationship work but in the end it wasn’t enough. When she broke up with me for another guy, I was devastated.

I had no friends or support because all of my friends were basically her friends. I was honestly all alone. So what did I do?

Besides going through a storm of thoughts (What’s wrong with me? What did I do? What could I have done differently?) and emotions (sadness, fear, anger), I turned to the only one who I had, God. Over the next 6 months I decided to dedicate myself to the most important relationship we’ll ever know, our relationship with God.

As I look back now, I realize that it was during that time period that I have never felt closer to God. Despite the pain that would come and go and then come right back again, I also was filled with an unmistakeable peace and joy knowing that I wasn’t alone through this and that I could trust that God had a plan for me.

The truth is, sometimes relationships don’t work no matter how hard we try because God simply wants us to be closer to Him. Its not easy, its painful, its terrifying to let go but I can assure you that when you truly experience God’s peace in your life, when you take that first step or when your down on your knees and have nothing left to give, that is when God rescues us.

Freedom is found only in surrender. Jeanne Doyon puts it this way:

With that step of faith, he will reveal his power in us and through us to handle whatever comes our way.

What has your experiences been like with a break up? Has it helped you move closer to God? 

Blessings,

Peter

Comments

19 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you

  • Anonymous says:

    Jesus was only my hope and glory during my breakup.

  • Lace says:

    Very nice! Thank you. My friend just went thru a break up they’ve been together for 7years and it is so hard for her to go thru this rough situation. I sent him this and her reply was “thank you sis it helped”… thank you healingfromgod.com

  • Lace says:

    I sent *her… Its her instead of him.

  • Hope Carla says:

    This has been helpful thanks alot I broke up with my boyfriend who we have been together for 3 years I really feel like I can’t get through it but I know God is with me through thick and thin and am trusting him

  • victor says:

    Hi I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 years now and I have been failing to break up with her because of fear, its not been easy for me but after reading your story I got a little strength and I am ready to face this giant…thanks a lot..I believe God is able to help everyone like me Amen

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you Peter. May God continually and forever bless you.

  • Heart broken says:

    Your breakup story has helped me understand a Lil better of how to let go.. I loved this women with all my heart , and for two years I truly believe she loved me, the last couple months she grew distant from me, so now she tells me she just wants her freedom , I truly thought we were on our way for marriage, now my heart is so heavy, it hurts, I pray God will give me all I need to let go, because I so much want her, but she does not want me anymore… help me heal Lord…

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Heart Broken,

      It’s really difficult going through a break up especially when its out of your control. Rejection hurts but even more when you’ve got so much invested in that person and really love and care for them.

      I would highly recommend connecting with a senior leader in your local church or pastor to talk things through. It’s beneficial in so many ways, being able to get your emotions out and also to get clarify, perspective, and guidance.

      You are also more then welcome to message me if you’d like to talk. Praying for you brother.

      Peter

  • Priscilla says:

    Wow beautifully lifted my spirit through tears of joy. Really for your everything you written
    …I hope things for you are being filled now with enormous joy

    .thank you, and God bless you, always and forever sending massive love and beautiful white life surrounding you along with all our Angels…thank you again in Jesus name, amen

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Priscilla,

      Really grateful that God touched you through this article and thank you so much for the kind words. Yes, definitely more at peace with God now and I think one of the big things that God always teaches us through difficult times is to trust in Him.

      In retrospect, I see through all of the pain that I experienced that ultimately my relationship with God grew.
      Praying for God’s blessings in your life!

      -Peter

  • Grace says:

    I read the passages and is just filled with tears and possible sorrow.
    I have been with my boyfriend for close to 10 years. Its unfortunate that things changed and we didn’t managed to materialise any of our dreams together. I really miss and love him, but through that I’m aware that I have to let go and let God in instead..
    Please help pray for us- and especially for him to allow God to heal him too. Amen

    • Peter Peter says:

      Hi Grace,

      I’m sorry to hear about you and your bf but encouraged to hear that you are trusting God throughout the process, I can’t say enough from my personal experiences at least that there is a purpose through all of this and God is with you during this difficult time.

      I will be praying for you both, if you need to talk or have any questions feel free to comment or message me.

      Blessings,
      Peter

  • anonymous17 says:

    im on this painful situation. getting married soon, my ex bf told me he still loves me and I realized I love him too. I told him if I love him and willing to cancel the wedding because I realized he is the one I want to be with. But sadly he decided to let go. he said he loves me but he cant ruin a wedding, he cant hurt people around us, and he cant put his trust back. he just decided to let go and leave me broken. he is now in a new relationship with another girl so he can move on. what do I do now? why did he told me he love if he cant fight for me? why did he left me when he knew that I loved him so much and willing to fight for him? I am now broken and confused.. Im praying to God to enlighten me so I can do what is right. please help me to pray and be healed. amen

  • Jackson says:

    Sometimes I tell myself it’s time to let go I been with this dude for three years and I’m just so tired and drained I didn’t think a person can take you through so much pain sleepless night’s crying night’s.. Not coming home till the next day and he say he with his friends… But I pray that God can let him see how much. I love and care for him… EVERYTIME I end things with him he text my phone saying he sorry and he miss his family and I let him Come back but his still repeats it after a day or two I’m just so tired

  • Jamie says:

    Hi Peter,
    Good Article
    Please pray for me (Jamie) and my husband Joffy..
    Things are really bad as we have not been together for the past 7 months.
    Please pray that we get no aullment. divorce as a final outcome.
    Please pray that Joffy will come back to my home willingly and reach out to my dad and people who can help us back together so this marriage can be Saved.
    Time running out, I only have 2 months left before the judge decides the final decision in this marriage.
    Thanks God bless you .
    Jamie

  • Jamie says:

    my husband Joffy walked out on me after his Green Card
    Please pray against the divorcing spirit in his family, his two brothers and aunt were divorced didn’t know till after Joffy married me.

  • Eunice Oni says:

    If one is in Christian courtship where no sex is allowed because the Bible speak against sex outside marriage,if there is a break up, yes it hurts but not much emotionally. You just put all your trust in God and move on. I’m a widowed of two years now but I don’t want to go into dating because most of these men are only after sex which I will never do. I’m so much into God and I’m enjoying it that I don’t want any lustful affairs to stain my life of holiness and purity till God sent me a man that will complement my spirituality.

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