by Suzie D.
I somehow made it to the Seattle area, dont know why, God wants me here.
I was despondent. The deceiver was so in control, I drove to a pretty place, believing it was God saying “Honey, come home, your life has been rough, I want to meet you face to face.”
So, I attempted suicide eating enough strong meds to kill an elephant. This was 6/12/13, maybe 6/11.
I am starting to remember, I recall after eating the pills, putting the seat back in the car, feeling so at peace, the radio in the car turned to the local Christian station.
I recall next being wheeled in a hospital setting, asking whats going on, why am I here? No one would answer me. This was Harborview in Seattle, could not even remember I was out of California.
I knew 2 people here, the one that turned her back on me, and my sons father John. He came by day 6 or 7, laughed because I was still out of it and explained what happened.
I was in a coma, on life support. My daughter was called and asked if they should pull the plug. John sat by my side 7 hours in ICU, came home and had a prayer BBQ at his place. This church has amazing prayer power I have found out. John was the only person in the group that knew me. 45 minutes into prayer, the doctors say I came out of the coma.
The paramedics had an amazing difficult time reviving me. Seems I had been in a hot hot car almost 12 hours!
Had a huge ulcer on my upper arm from the sun. My right lung was punctured and many ribs were broken by them.
Eventually I came to realize what I had done.
How could the Lord ever forgive me? And most important why was I spared?
On 6/29/13 about 6pm I was whining to God because of so much pain from injuries. He spoke and I realized then, God touches my heart when He speaks to me, the other had been thoughts, not mine but I know now it was the deceiver. Be warned, he can be sweet.
God said, “You think you are in pain? Do you realize how much pain I experienced when you did what you did?”
I broke….completely, I felt His love so strong. Immediately I thought of Peter, he too must have felt his sin was unforgivable, denying Jesus and I know now there is NO sin too big for our Lord.
Since then my light is shining so bright. In the mental ward I talked to many people, they said how much I helped them, a young muslim woman, no intent to change religions was so interested in reading the bible….things like that. I made a difference, I am 61 and have never felt adequate, now I do.
I have been given a gift by the Spirit. I have mild visions and dreams that I use to encourage others. For example, after experiencing a tough time I see flashes of rainbows, I have prophetic dreams and pass it on to those I dream about. I see angels at times, but thats still hard to discern.
Why am I alive Lord? Please make my purpose in this world clearer day by day….I wish to do great things like Peter….Amen